Hair Fascinator or Lady Vintage at Work

I'm not dealing well with death... or maybe let's put it differently - I'm dealing well with death as a fact, what overwhelmes me is celebrum around it. I come to terms with the fact that someone's life had ended, that this person moved on to another dimension, as I'm not a materialist and don't believe that life is a form of proteine existance... I prefer to choose to believe that there's something more than just the world we see. I bet many of you right now puzzles about where is that girl heading with that. Yes there's a method in this madness, and in a few it will be the story of fascinator... everything joins together eventually... believe me...
On Friday I participated in the first phase of my Grandpa's funeral. We had to split it in two, as his wish was to be cremated, and believe or not there's only one crematory in Warsaw. Anyhow, on Friday we said our final goodbyes, identified the body and then went to crematory for the simple ceremony of "toasting" as I called it, which was very simple and minimalistic... a guy in the suit, pushed the tape on which the coffin was into the furnace. One quick move and that's it. No music, no speeches, just a quick shove. A voila... ashes to be picked up on monday, thank you. Have a lovely evening...
I must sound cold to you all... but believe me I take it cold. I only cry infront of the closest friends... when C. called that night and asked me how was I, I anwsered" I'm ok" and he hissed: "don't you tell me that bullshit"... and I broke down in tears... I'm not cold... I'm just keeping up appearances...
During the Farewell ceremony, when the whole family gathered over the open casket it was tough. I was the youngest there and still keeping up the best. My older cousin fell in pieces and I had to be there for him and for the others. That day I wore my new black corset, coz it was giving me the grip... some sort of a back bone... almost like an extra spinal cord... corset saved me from collapsing... and yes here the story finally comes to the meritum...
Tomorrow there's the second phase of the funeral scheduled... There will be a proper mass and then placement of the urn into the family grave. And again in due to hold on, I had to come with another object that would keep me distanced and as well keep my hands busy over the weekend. As I am a big fan of 1940s, pin-up and burlesque I couldn't brush the image of a small hat with a veil or a hair fascinator with veil. I searched the web high and low and found few interesting ideas on Etsy.When the idea was set in my head I went hunting for the ingrediens... that's what I ended up with:



Yesterday I went to the local trimmings' store and bought lovely brussel lace and few other goodies. Of course knowing my luck I couldn't find for any money a black netting... three trimmings' stores in Falenica and none had any... nothing... nada... le sigh... Then Marylka spotted a black lace, which originally was made to be a decoltte adorment, but it just matched perfectly the lace I bought in the other store, so I figured - when one can't has what one likes, one likes what one has... and took it.



In the evening I settled with "Lost in Austen" box and my goodies and got cracking with sewing. First of all I ripped off the broche closing from the rose pin I already got on thursday, I as well seperated the beads and ribbons. I frilled the half a meter of lace. Sew it tightly to the bottom of the rose. Then stitched the lace to the frill. Finally I reattached the beads and the ribbons and attached on the bottom the hair comb. Secured everything twice and voila! Two or three episodes of "Lost in Austen" and chat with a cousine later I had my pretty hair fascinator ready.



Excuse me the pics. They are self-portraits like always, and I'm not looking very sparkly... I'm tired and haven't slept well in ages. The last two nights were especially hard, coz seemingly the participation in the Phase 1 of the Funeral hit me harder than I expected... but it's ok... I don't regret doing that. Life is life and death has it's rules of engagement. I'm just terrified of facing Phase 2 tomorrow on my own. And please, save me all the: "your family and friends will be with you" crap, coz what I really need is Significant Other to hold my hand if I stumble or faint... someone to dry my tears... oh well... chin up and upwards, Cheeky Bugger...



Tomorrow I have a matching 1950s style dress to go with it. It's black in small white polka dots all over. It's sweet and still serious enough. I hope that it will all go together well. So what do you think about my fascinator? I'm so going to wear it, even if my Mom thinks that I'm nuts... whatever ;)

The Spice of Life or Importance of Being Honest

Bad-ass blogger is back again. I know you all missed me and so have I... life's still crazy down here and I'm on some rollercoster for a while now. The days pass by in a blink of an eye and sometimes I have to wonder which day of the week we do have...
But from the other hand I can't complain, work's busy and interesting; my private life, as fucked-up as it is (yes pardon my French), get's somehow better... easier... thanks to the Spice of Life... And I'm blessed by the presence of this person, how virtual it might be at the moment... but I do hope that it will become more real asap... Only my crafts are slightly neglected... and bloody hell I know that I still haven't finished the shurg I've been knitting for a while, but will do... will surely do...

Cheeky Little Bugger as C. calls moi ;) and I likey
(outfit I wore last friday when at work:
- dress GC sale limited edition, shoes Deichmann-sale
bag Wallis - sale, belt - Mom's wardrobe :P...
cheeky smile and firey red hair... my very own ;) )

I might be traveling soon. Still not sure how it will all work out, when or if or how... things are being arranged and rearranged and situation is dynamical... but I know that I need to get out of Warsaw for a weekend. I need to change the perspective or maybe somebody's visit here would change it... that's the question! oh well... soon we will know if it's fishes or the aquarium... lol but I know that I'm looking for changes and very exciated for what it will be... one way or the other looking forward!
It's almost 1 am here and I know that I should be sleeping, but the Moon is shining through my window and I promised someone to stick around till 1, in case he couldn't sleep, so I decided that I could blog instead...

Aleksander Matisow (paternal grandfather)
1916-2009
RIP

And eventhough the circle of life keeps on turning and things are somehow looking up for me, there're the shadows lurking around. On Monday morning I was informed via txt from my Dad, that Grandfather departed to the Other Side. And don't get me wrong, it's dreadful tohave to say goodbye, but from the other hand I'm glad that he passed away. Last three or four weeks he was fading away, chained to the bed by the body which didn't want to cooperate anymore.... He couldn't talk, couldn't move... maybe it's better like that, coz he suffered bunches. He died peacefully in sleep, his heart just said: bugger off and stopped... it's a kind, good death and I'm greatful that now he is with all the loved ones, who left us before.
Such situations though open one's eyes and make us face everything from a different perspective. Last night, when I broke down in tears three wonderful people held my hand - thank you Komy, Joe and C.! Especially thank you C, coz you make me laugh... you poured this incredible peace in my heart and right now it's easier to face everything. You're a star! So looking forward and you know what I mean!
The circle of life... on friday the first part of the funeral is scheduled, as my Grandfather wished to be ashed, and on Monday there will be a proper funeral and burial... Never participated in funeral on two rates and not sure how much strengh I do have to face this stress twice. Right now it doesn't bother me, maybe because it's so late, or maybe because of what happened tonight... I was honest with myself and with someone special... that felt good and gave some hope for the next month... but now I'm tired... time to hit the hay I believe...
Have a good one!
Goodnight! Nos da!

Strawberry Fields Forever?

No, I'm not a big fan of Beattles... I'm really not... but this song got stuck in my head as the season for strawberries started and is in a full bloom. And since it usually lasts for such a short time, we are strawberrying ourselves up as much as it gets ;)
One lazy day, when there was not much going on in the office - just a calm moment before the storm - I was rambling around the net and came accross Polish food blog, where I spotted this amazing strawberry cake. I quickly emailed the link to my mom and we agreed that this would be a perfect treat for the 11th of June.

Go ahead! Have a bite!

Well... no, I'm not that cruel to leave you all drowling without a proper recipe, because I know that Polish is a pain in the butt and not many of you get it good enough to follow the recipe I linked to ;)
The cake is called "White Fluff with Strawberries", and damn it, it's a pretty perfect name! The cake is nice and fluffy, despite 400g of strawberries what is definetely enough to make a cake soggy and gooey. It's a rather straight forward recipe and that makes this cake perfect for a quick coffee break on the sunny terrace.

White Fluff with Strawberries by Moja Quchnia

* 2 cups of flour,
* 1 cup of sour cream(18-22 %),
* 1 cup of sugar,
* 2 eggs,
* 2 spoons of oil,
* 2 spoons of baking powder,
* 1 spoon of vanilla/rhum essence or 1 pack of vanilla sugar,
* 400g of straberries.

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C. In a bowl beat up two whole eggs and sugar, untill nice and fluffy. Add cream, oil, essence/vanilla sugar and beat up with electrical mixer for 5 minutes. When done sieve in flour with baking powder and mix in gentely with a spoon.
Get ready round cake form (25 - 27cm diameter) - you can line it baking paper or just oil it. Place the batter in the form and put the strawberries on the top, press them gently in. Bake for 30-50 minutes, until the cake rises prettily and starts to stick from the form. Take out, let it cool down a bit, dust with icing sugar and cinnamon sugar. Enjoy!

White Fluff With Strawberries and a cuppa of good coffee

I've been lazy knitter lately, maybe because I'm still looking for a perfect pattern to knit or just too lazy to finally print it out and get cracking with knitting. Or maybe simply lately my mind wanders off somewhere else... I don't know... I'm somehow struggling lately with everything, and therefore I'm very blessed by someone who can make me act, when I want to give up. Thank you C!
Besides it's not much going on. I work crazy hours and trying very badly to get a grip of my life. I think I'm slowly getting there, but time will show if I'm right... for now I'm busy baking, knitting, chatting and researching... and of course I will keep you updated as I proceed ;)
Have a good one!
Cheers!

Midnight Shrug or The Maths of Instant Gratification

Recently I'm pretty inspired. I can feel the inspiration buzzing in my vains bringing me the fresh blood of creativity and oceans of new ideas and things to try. Maybe it's because of may or maybe someone else is to blame ;) But the c-drug runs my vains on the speed of light and it feels good. So yes Jenny, to anwser your question Dear, I'm pretty ok for now. Let's see what spring and summer bring, but I'm very optimistic and looking forward to the development of the story... ask me no questions, I tell you no lies...
What's been going on in Casa de Kasia? Well not much and rather a lot. For now Iam pretty Junified, which means that I'm looking forward to June and not that I like watching "Juno", thanks Cath for making your point earlier today ;) I know that I am talking riddles, but I think that it's still too early to ramble about it all. But I am pretty happy again, and I can laugh from the bottom of my heart again, my nights got sleepy again, as my heart found its kind of peace... And as my friends and family around are getting hitched or having babies, I feel like I was Carrie Bradshaw, I wear my heals high and walk with my head high, even if my life is far away from perfect or calm... but every Carrie Bradshaw has her Mr. Big...
And yes, I am knitting again! It feels good to be able to knit on the speed of light, to finally finish projects and not getting bored half way through or running out of motivation or patience... and that was my problem past year...
So let me introduce you to my newest baby - Midnight Shrug:

Technicalities:
Pattern: my own :) (for pattern scroll down)
Yarn: Midnight blue viscosa/boucle ( 2,5 100g skeins, ca. 200m each. Bought on yarn sale in local store - labelless but fab and 4PLN/skein)
Needles: 4,5 round bamboo needles
Size: small (36cm from shoulder to shoulder)
time: 5-7 evening (not whole evenings... though :P)

Midnight Shrug - Pattern

That's pretty straight forward pattern. It's based on the reglan top-down construction, with decorative raglan "seams", and lacey sleeves. So far I only have it written for one size - but it's probably easy to adjust.
Cast on 43 stitches. Do not join.
1st row: KFB, k 7, pM, k27, place marker, knit to the end, KFB
2nd row: purl
3rd row: KFB, knit to the marker, yo, sl M, k1, yo, knit to the marker, yo, sl M, k1, yo, knit to the end KFB
4th row: purl
repeat rows 3 and 4 until the piece is 28cm long. Place the stitches of the right sleeve and back on the scrap yarn.
Left sleeve:
1st row: k2tog, *yo, k2tog, k1* across
2nd row: purl
repeat the rows until the sleeve is the lengh you fancy. Bind off.
Right sleeve: knit like the left.
Press the sleeves, seam, be careful as the pattern makes the sleeve go slightly round and "twisted". Just seam it... it will look great ;)
Ribbing:
pick up the stitches around the front an top, pick the stiches from the scrap yarn. Work in k2 p2 for 14 rounds.
Inc round: *k2 p1, m1p, p1, m1p (k2p2) 5 times* repeat
work 1 round keeping pattern correct - p4 in increased sections
Inc round: *k2 p1, m1p, k2, p1, m1p (k2p2) 5 times* repeat
work 6-8 rounds in k2p2 pattern. Bind off. Weave in the ends and voila!



I really like this pattern. It's a perfect example of mindless knitting. Very good for therapheutical reasons... so simple to knit away, just as you watch your favourite tv-series, or in my case chat the evenings away on MSN... and you know what I'm talking about, right? Now I know that I might need few more of those ;) As the summer's near and such shrugs are blessing in the office ;) sth decent and still sexy...



So what do you guys reckon? The maths of instant gratification are simple ;) Just get cracking with knitting ;)
Have a good one!
Cheers!

Finally FO!

Anne of Green Gable's Cardi

I finally finished sth! LOL! No kidding... I proudly present you "Anne's of Green Gable Cardi". I decided for that name because the brown yarn reminded me of the brown dress Anne dreamed about - a brown woolen dress with puffy sleeves... This cardi is exactly like that - brown woolen and with puffs...
To celebrate the similarities to Anne of Green Gables, I plated my red hair in pigtails, wore short skirt and knee-socks and of course highheels and my signature top "Creep"... but I strongly believe that if only Anne would live nowadays she would surely wear like that ;)
I've been a huge fan of "Anne of Green Gables" series as long as I can remeber. It's one of very few girly books I've ever read. The second would be "Little Women" and the third "Emily" series... I always loved those female characters who were rebelious and adventurous, but still goodhearted and sweet. Typical "bad-asses" but with plenty of charm, never going along the main stream - but always fighting and struggling to achieve their own goals. That's what I admired as a child and that's who I wanted to be... I always wanted to be like Anne or Jo... strong, independent but still feminin... did I manage?



Anne took the dress and looked at it in reverent silence. Oh, how pretty it was--a lovely soft brown gloria with all the gloss of silk; a skirt with dainty frills and shirrings; a waist elaborately pintucked in the most fashionable way, with a little ruffle of filmy lace at the neck. But the sleeves--they were the crowning glory! Long elbow cuffs, and above them two beautiful puffs divided by rows of shirring and bows of brown-silk ribbon.
Lucy Maud Montgomery "Anne of Green Gables", Chapter XXV "Matthew Insists on Puffed Sleeves"



Cardi is based upon the "Elizabeth Bennet" from "Fitted Knits" by Stafanie Japel. Instead of cables I used ribbing, as I was rather short on the brown yarn. I made the smallest size to fit 91cm bust. It was a quick and fun knit, but took me ages, as my mental condition was rather bollocks and I had problems with focusing... it's not perfect but I really love it. Nice and cozy chocolate warmth...

Technicalities "Anne of Green Gable's Cardi":
Pattern: Modified "Elizabeth Bennet" from "Fitted Knits" Stefanie Japel
size: to fit 91cm bust
yarn: Lama Teksaska by Anilux (50% lama wool 50% acrylic) 4x100g skeins (250m per 100g)
Needles: round bamboo needles size 4.5mm
Buttons: 8 midnightblue mother of pearl square buttons

I had another project on my needles lately, but as it was made for a pressie, which needed a quick shipping over the Big Puddle and in the meantime someone came into my life, whom I didn't want to rub the nose with it, so I have no picture of "Sculptured Lace Scarf" by Kenny Chua from "IK Spring 2009". It's absolutely adorable pattern. So much fun to knit and really easy lace. Perfect for a guy, as it's rather tense in it's body. I can only hope that it reached its destination and that the person who received it would be pleased and wear it as a "forget me not"... but now I got into taste for more lace... hmmm... Ravelry, here I come I need some decent lace shawl, maybe to match the brown dress... lol! What do you reckon C.?
So my Dears, how do you like my newest cardi?
Have a good one!
Cheers!

Changes

I've been a very bad blogger lately, but there's so much going on on my life that I hardly have time to stop and think. My life's full of changes lately, things are coming and going and coming back again. And I have to face my demons again over and over again, and sometimes I'm just too tired to craft or to knit... But loose no hope, my two knitting projects are coming smoothly together, so there's a chance for a FO by the end of the week.



I haven't forgotten you my old dear friends. I'm still with you in my heart and mind. Just sometimes it's hard to catch up, when the heart is on a rocky road and one has impression to stand there alone. And no, nothing can be done to help, one has to walk this way on one's own and look, listen and learn... I believe that at the end of this road I will know where my home is... where I belong....




I got this quote from someone special to me, and he insisted that it describes me well... I'm not sure, though... but judge for yourself, I say... Thanks K. for sharing that... whatever you meant...
Ta vie, tes sentiments, tes choix, tes ratés, tu les assumes. Si tu te trompes, tu le dis sans te chercher un milliard d'excuses. Et quand tu craques, tu n'en fais pas un drame. Du coup, tu fais partie de ces filles qui forcent l'admiratinon par leur courage. Mais joues-tu vraiment à fond la carte de la vérité? Parfois, tu as bien du mal à exprimer tes fragilités, et tu te sens seule devant tes problèmes. Ne crains pas de mettre ton amour-propre en sourdine pour parler de toi: c'est le plus sûr

and translation into English, for those who, like moi aren't very skilled in this language:

your life, your feelings, your choices, your failures, you accept them. if you are wrong, you say it, without looking for excuses. and if you break down, you don't make a drama out of it. therefore you are one of these girls who get admiration through their courage. but are you really playing the card of truth completely? sometimes it is hard for you to express your weakness, and you feel alone with your problems. don't be afraid to put your self-love aside to tell about yourself: it's the safest.



I don't know how much I agree on this one. I'm not even sure how true it is, or how positive the whole quote is... all I know is that I don't like simple nor safe solutions. I hate running away and hiding, waiting for the life to come to me and bite me in the ass. Recently I made a new friend, who made me look at the things from a different perspective, and I'm deeply greatfull for the time C. gives me and for everything we discussed. Finally after months some things came clearer to me, and I realised that I wasn't totally wrong. Thank you!
But I keep struggling, I keep facing the same walls, the same demons over and over again. It takes so much strengh to make everything work. Sometimes it's just a struggle to get up and fight another day through. But work keeps me going, friends and knitting keeps me sane, facebook keeps me connected and some people keep me awake... and I'm so greatfull for every moment, for every experience I made over this year. I'm blessed by people I met on my way and looking forward to how everything will develope. I'm being Curious George again, and that's good... I heard two wise things from two wonderful people - Tricottine said: "When life give's you lemons make margheritas" and C. said: "Life's for living!", those things keep me going right now... And things will be just as they should be... finally, once...



So yes, My Friends, I'm still alive and kicking. I'm blogging, taking pics and trying to do the best out of what life's bringing me.... there are stories for which I hope to end with an happy or at least decent ending... there are experiences I'm looking forward to, there are people I'm looking forward to meet and finally places to see and languages to learn... let's see where this flow brings me... right now I'm ready to follow... another year of my expat life started (and those of you who follow my blog know what anniversary I'm talking about)... and it's getting curioser and curioser...

Plus One is the Loneliest Number

My weeks seem to be passing by like a blink of an eye... the cards from the calendar keep on changing, but I'm still stuck in the same situation. And I'm slowly reaching to the point when it's getting really unbearable. I realise very well that one can put up with a lot, and that I'm not in the worst of all possible situation, but sometimes I wish that things would be different.
For instance today I was invited to the wedding of my cousine, whom I adore completely and totally. She went through real hell which included a psycho hubby and few other goodies, but she got divorced, took 3 of her charmy kids and started from the scratch... today she got married for the second time to a great guy. So there's a hope for all of us, who are on the turn of their lives that things can get better again. But then again... there comes an invit: me plus one... but there's no "one" around to keep me company on such event... I mean I know someone who would be a prefect for such party, but he's way too far away to even ask... Anyhow, I was the only single on the party, but at least I made sure that I'll be looking at my very ditalicious best!

Being absolutely ditalicious! Am I not?

A perfect recipe for ditalicious look:

1. siren skirt by Wallis - bless be the sales
   
2. top bought on some market - cheap and pretty
3. corset - trift store, whole 10PLN of pure sex
4. Heels -bought in Lublin in CCC
5. clutch - trift store again
6. red gloves - bought on the stand on the street
7. pin-up make up: black eyeliner, light powder and red lipstick by Maybelline (Superstay powergloss no. 550 Radiant Ruby)

I adore this coat - it has sth very Russian and aristocratic within ;)

Indeed I'm totally addicted from pin-up style look. I love wearing my lips red and keeping my heels high. I love corsets and waist clutching belts. There's sth very elegant in this style and with my body shape I have impression that it suits me very well. I always liked doing things my way and dressing like noone else... I changed from the witchy style into a pin-up, simply because both with my work and my age different things started to suit me, I go for sexy and wicked more than for mysterious ;)

Three Sisters - almost like from Czechov....

Here we go - three sisters: Dyzia, Pusia and me... yes I know that we aren't real sisters... since we are three daughters of three different sibblings, but again in Polish we do call this relation - auntly sistered. It was funny today when we noticed with Dyzia, than again we got dressed in the same colour scheme... and we haven't even talked about how we are going to dress. So not only we matched eachother but as well Pusia's wedding flowers.
Wedding was real fun and I was very pleased that I decided to attend. It was one of those cozy ceremonies, where one just feels good and safe, somehow surrounded by love and warmth. I'm still struggling with the loneliness which I carry in my heart, with the whole mess I managed to be pulled in... but somehow I know that I always have my family and friends and that feels good. I know as well that there's always someone who cares and thinks of me, and that makes things more bearable... There are those people who come to us through the abysses of time and space to make our lives somehow different. Even if they aren't there just in the reach of a hand, one always knows that with them around life tastes better... they are precious because they are as they are... simplicity of being... I guess...
If you want to see more pics from the wedding feel free to check my facebook album.

Being very pin-upy with a little help from Smeagol

One of those pics I take of myself... good that my cam has a timer! That's my new bedroom. It's a very tiny room which was made from a wardrobe which was next door to my room and originally used to be my parents' bedroom back when I was a kid. Walls are painted red, the wood panels are gold,and woodwork is painted chocolate brown, there's a new metal bed which head I wrapped in tiny golden lights and got two lovely lamps in art nouveau style, we as well restored an old chest of drawers and make it look very oriental. There's a funny story about this chest of drawers coz it was brought by my grandparents from Świdnica and it must have been made by some German craftsmen. It first stood at my Grandparents, then my parents had it in their bedroom, then it stood forgotten and sad in the wardrobe and now we restored it, gave it new handles and new top and it looks like a very expensive and fancy piece of furnitures...
It's a great place to sleep. Smeagol absolutely adores it, she even took over the armchair, coz she loves the red pillows that make her look like a cat princess.
Have a good one!
Cheers!